Fragile World
On The Spectrum
Tools for Helping Your Child Feel
“Safe, Accepted, & Competent”
This course will discuss the following points.
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Describes stress, meltdowns & shutdowns.
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Identifies common stressors
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Identifies possible accommodations compensations to reduce stress.
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Good tool to summarise areas of vulnerabilities for teachers , friends and relatives.
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Good tool for designing comprehensive treatment plans.
Basic Premise Of This Course.
Every child strives to feel “Safe, Accepted, and Competent”
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Safe and secure
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Physically, emotionally, socially.
When these conditions are met, all children grow and develop.
Litmus test for measuring all strategies used with your child.
SAFE
Individuals with autism are constantly bombarded with sensory, social, and informational overload, that is
confusing and overwhelming.
ACCEPTED
Their constant struggles with trying to “fit in”, to meet other’s “expectations”, and to simply make sense out of what comes easy for us, makes it difficult to feel “safe, accepted, and competent.”
COMPETENT
Their constant trying, but failing, to meet our expectations leaves them feeling anxious, insecure, unaccepted, and inadequate.
Square Peg In A Round Hole
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To feel truly safe and accepted, a person needs to feel valued for who they are.
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We need to cherish them for who they are, not what we would like them to be.
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The more we try to “change” the child, the more we risk invalidating them; communicating that they are “inadequate” or “unworthy.”
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In our zest to help the child, we are often invalidating their very existence.
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The child needs understanding and acceptance first, then loving support to grow.
Invalidating Feedback
"He enjoys being oppositional; he doesn’t care."
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"He just needs a good spanking!"
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"Are you stupid! You get it, you just don’t want to…"
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"What a rude kid; someone needs to teach him some manners."
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Stop Trying To Fix Me!
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Fix me!
Change me!
Cure me!
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Understand me!
Accept and value me!
Then support and guide me.
How To Support
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Accept and understand first, then support and guide.
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Build on strengths to compensate for weaknesses.
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Identify child’s vulnerabilities, and lessen the stressors. Gradually remove the barriers to allow the child to grow into their “true self”.
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Start in their comfort zones and gradually stretch.
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Be a “working partner” so you can become a “trusted guide.”
Communicate Understanding
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Understand how your child experiences the world; how he processes information.
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Understand your child’s strengths and vulnerabilities.
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Define what his comfort zones are; what helps him feel safe and accepted.
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Assume your child is doing the best that he can, given the situation and his current skills.
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Accept who he is, validate how he feels, and support him to grow. “It must be scary when confused, let’s do it together”, “I can understand how that would upset you, let’s find a better way ”
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If the child is struggling, he does not feel “competent.” Slow it down, break it down, provide supportive assistance.
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Understand and validate, then guide and assist. You don’t have to agree with the behavior to validate their frustrations and feelings.
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Try to understand before you react!